SFE PARENTING TALK - HOW TO TALK SO THAT YOUR TEENS WILL LISTEN

THURSDAY, 25 APRIL, 2013

The morning started with invitation to have some snacks before the talk began. The speaker Ms Nicolette

Gnoh was knowledgable and most amiable as she shared her experiences on the dos and don'ts when communicating with the teenagers. She recommended a movie 'FreakyFriday' which parents may watch with the child, as it allows both the parents and child to better understand the perspectives of each other.

Mdm Gnoh shared with us 'The Five love languages of Teenagers' :

1. Words of affirmation

2. Physical touch
3. Quality time (By 'Quality time' it means time spent in doing something the child finds it meaningful, that you can connect with him, and he wishes it to be repeated because he finds it enjoyable.)
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts ( However gifts should not be given too much or given at an inappropriate time, or it may send mix signals to the child. We don't want gifts to become easy 'emotional sweets'. )

Then she went on to share some of the positive listening and communication skills that we can use when we interact with our teens:

1. Maintaining eye contact. In the case where a child is very shy, and may find our constant eye contact as intimidating, we may just not look at him to give him space but glance at him regularly.

2. Do not listen to the child and do something else at the same time.
3. Listen for feelings. The child may be testing the waters or wish for us to validate their feelings.
4. Observe their body language.
5. Refuse to interrupt when he speaks. Hold our words and be patient.
6. Ask reflective questions. By bouncing back what you heard back to them to seek clarification, they are assured of your attention and will reflect on your questions too.
7. Express understanding.
8. Ask permission to share your perspective. This shows respect for the child as an individual with an identity and preferences. If the child is not ready, parent should just hold on to what they wish to share but make a mental note that they would revisit the topic when the time is ripe.

The session ended with a few parents raising some questions and exchanging experiences of their own.

I find the talk very useful and would strongly encourage all parents to attend some of the parenting talks by Nicolette Gnoh.

Contributed by PSG member Mdm Anna Koh Phui Wah